pep talk

I’m really trying to talk more kindly with myself when I screw up.

So. You did it again. That bad habit. The embarrassing thing that you know is one of the biggest impediments to your progress, to actually achieving these goals you’ve wanted for so long, and which have recently started to seem like they might actually be in reach! …if you can just rise to this challenge.

Good news. What you did was entirely normal and human. You’ve struggled with this for a long time. It would be unrealistic to expect you to go from little skill in this department to perfect control in one step just because the stakes are higher. But now that some goals you really care about are on the line, the failure hurts more. I feel your pain.

But you’re not an idiot. You’re not useless or hopeless or doomed. When you saw what you had done, you rallied to do everything you could to fix the damage. You didn’t have the preparation in place to prevent this from happening in time, but now you see better what you were lacking, and even if you knew it all beforehand and just didn’t do the preparation, now the sting of slipping up is ensuring you understand the need for it a little deeper in your bones. You’ll do at least a little bit better at this next time, and a little bit better each time is all it takes to get to complete mastery eventually. The more you want it the faster you’ll get through all the different painful ways you can fail, until the conditions for success are so deeply integrated in your way of being that other people who still struggle with this will look with astonishment at how effortless you make it appear.

Are you feeling ashamed that you’re learning these lessons at your age? that you really should have mastered this long ago? It’s awesome that you’re stepping up to develop a new skill at any age. You’re not an old dog who can’t learn new tricks. By the passion of your frustration you’re proving the true youthfulness of your heart. You can be proud of the awareness you have in this moment. It’s a sign of growth.

Now get some rest. Tomorrow’s a fresh day that you can approach however you want. I’m proud of you for stretching into your goals. You’re doing great.